2:15 am
so the cycle of boredom repeats itself.
the feeling of never getting enough out of a day.
the greed that makes you extend the night until dawn arrives.
the hunger for time.
the hunger for events.
the hunger for actual food.
what am i actually hungry for?
lala laaa.
6:30 pm
bored. jaded. uninspired.
you can save that.
drink the potion of awareness, NOW...
...and feel a stream of enthusiasm bubbling through your body.
lala laaa.
1:36 am
i wonder if words or melodies come first.
i wonder if you could uncrack a root canal filling.
i wonder if guitars could have softer strings.
i wonder if the burst of inspiration could ever last longer than the duration of writing four fuckin lines...
lala laaa.
12:01 pm
cute no more.
lala laaa.
8:25 am
i literally blog for myself now.
when there are more and more things in life, life is reduced to the important things, and the were-important things are taken for granted, and forgotten.
blogs reflect what matters in life.
now that life is stripped down to essentials (not essentials like food and drink, but things that are worth pondering upon), what you see here, changes.
i no longer remember what i do daily. that is taken care by the planner. thoughts, dreams, fantasies, questions... will be dealt with here. this is other space of life.
seems wrong to separate life into spaces. isn't life just, now? does now include the presence of thoughts? or just physical doings?
you gradually lose the timeline. you lose the angst. the enthusiasm for exaggeration. the passion for thought. the endless run of inspiration. what is left.
i don't know if it's general aging, but i know that things aren't the same anymore. i have stopped reading fiction and what i'm writing must have come from literature taught at least 1 year ago. the memory of fiction slowly fades and what i am left with is the an empty void of uninspired old thoughts.
what will save me?
lala laaa.
4:52 am
MH 001 to Kuala Lumpur. Boarding at gate 6.
lala laaa.
9:47 am
preeeettty weird. looking back at my old posts.
sometimes i write too much. blabber about trivial matters - which also means that i take trivial matters too seriously. was so unconscious and fixated on the unimportant. closed-minded, yet i thought i was the most open-minded, understanding supergirl. NGEK. wrong.
and then came a period when i thought blogging was the stupidest thing. thought it was childish and pointless. but words do mean a thing. even though the moment you write, thoughts are no longer thoughts but exist as words. but words communicate, and communication brings people together, and together we smile :)
so what if everything arises from the ego. i have an ego, you have an ego, we all have egos. we all have emotions, even though they are part of the ego. ego is part of human. allow us to have ego. it's not 'wrong'. it's just 'not yourself', 'not present', but it doesn't mean you escape from it and see it as your enemy. live with your ego, befriend it.
there is no one way to live your life. there is no one correct theory of living. life is an ongoing experience. life is continuous verb. life is -ing.
we are living > we live.
lala laaa.
